- Many people believe that David Paul Lewis has unnatural and sometimes non-cohesive thoughts patterns. That will be left to your judgment, but this article will attempt to parse these thoughts that cross Davey's mind--and the scientifically contentious "micro-thoughts" that weave between them, engendering new thoughts at surprising moments.
- Davey is smart. He is funny. You should love him very much.
- Sometimes, however, Davey's quirky sense of intellectual and playful exploration has led him to discover "really really nerdy" websites. This should not prevent you from loving him very much.
- One such "really really nerdy" website is www.gannon-banned.com. This website sucks and is made by some pretentious guy who plays Zelda games so much that all he does is try to beat them faster than he did the previous day. That, and make fun of people on the internet for misspelling or misunderstanding Zelda-related trivia. The premise: people who make Zelda spelling mistakes get the words "GANNON-BANNED" shouted in all caps on web pages for losers. Not me. Real no-lifes. Anyway, I didn't even try to turn that URL into a link because the website is so dismissible.
- Davey loves spoonerisms. See the examples!
Main Text: "Idle Musings"
by David Paul Lewis
David Paul Lewis:
What is he thinking?
So, she arrived several days late, but I had to let it fly. A late registrant for summer school. Her first three days were to be excused without question. I asked her name, and she told me: R****** Blannon.
Blannon I mused. What a (mildly) remarkably silly last name. My thoughts drifted along a linguistic tangent. Ready the blannons! On my mark...Fire!!! Then: I think that would make an excellent yogurt...Blannon. With a line for kids--Blanimals! Finally: Blannon! Like Ganon, Link's eternal foe in Zelda games...
See, at this point, that dumb website comes in. More thoughts, this time not in italics, because I've chosen to number them, instead:
1) Blannon--but spelling it that way would get me BLANNON-BANNED!
2) I hate that effing website and the self-righteous supernerds that adhere to it's supposed importance.
3) Whatever...Blannon!
4) Tehe.
5) Hmm...Blannon...Bland? No.
6) Blannon...Gand? Almost a spoonerism, but there's that "L"...
7) Rule of [something I learned in math class long ago]: If I add "L" to one side of the equation, I must add it to the other...
8) Modified Spoonerism...equals...
9) BLANNON-GLAND!
Little did I know that I had discovered a completely made up organ in the brain, one that is inert in most humans, but which creates terrifying results in others. See, I came to know R******, or "Ra-Ra," for short. She's the type of person I would have hitherto described as "lacking a filter between brain and mouth." Something like...
- Mr. Lewis: Let's all fill in the first two columns in our table groups...
- Ra-Ra Blannon: What the f*** are we 'posed to be doing?
- Mr. Lewis: We're all going to fill in...
- R-R B: It's hot as a wh*** in here!
se?!?!? At this point, my entirely scientific mind knew the immediate truth. Such behavior (elsewise exhibited by S**** W*********, L*** I*****, and sometimes even K****** L****) is the result of an over active Blannon Gland! This little-understood member of the brain secretes...um...probably Blanninin...and, when this is unchecked, one looses the ability to think before speaking. In the words of Socrates, "It must be true--necessarily so!" (my emphasis).So...that's a little guided tour of how my mind works. Keep in mind that this thought process happened in nigh-unintelligible spurts of brain activity in the nano-seconds in between the real and important thoughts that I think on a regular basis. I wasn't even aware of the fullness of these profound meditations until I began writing this post. Although I've identified the Blannon Gland and it's functions, I have yet to determine which part of my brain it is that allows me to be so...inspiring. This is DPL, signing off...
Post-Reading:
If you haven't talked to Davey in a while, write him a 250-word essay explaining why you love him so.
A question: Do you think the Blannon-gland could have been Blannon planned? Blannon, having been banned (I would risk putting those to words together for fear of hearkening thoughts of that so-despised website) by the other gods that created human beings. Because, like the gods in that film about the Greek gods who moved people around on a little game board, he greatly enjoyed stirring up the blantastic thoughts that become spoken when the Blannon-gland is at work.
ReplyDeleteSecond question: Is it possible to have a reverse Blannon-gland? Because it seems to me that your thought process was somewhat the opposite of a person afflicted with a highly active Blannon-gland. I had somewhat of a reverse Blannon-gland experience myself yesterday. While listening to my lecture on legal professionalism, the professor pointed out that we, as lawyers, are not allowed to contract for the media rights to the case on which we are working.
"Meteorites?" I thought. "I'd much rather be thinking about meteorites." However, rather than letting my brain travel down the path of meteorites, I exercised a Herculean feat of self-discipline and mental strength and returned my thoughts to legal professionalism.
Small reverse Blannon-gland sidenote: Perhaps it was not a Herculean feat but rather a Hawkingesque feat, seeing it was mental rather than physical. Or perhaps it was more of an ascetic feat seeing as it was depriving the mind of the desired mental stimulation in favor of what (I suppose some would say) is the higher good, i.e. passing the bar.
And then later in the day when a different lecturer said "universe" rather than "unitary will" - perhaps that lecturer too was having a reverse Blannon-gland moment.
A very astute analysis, Ms. Lewis. Perhaps Blanninin--the...erm...enzyme(?)released by our famous gland--might be present to some degree in all brains. On some occasions, in the truly intellectually gifted, perhaps we may exert the mental control to truly reduce the amount of chemical release, thus causing us even greater mental restraint.
ReplyDeleteAs for my own cerebral workings, I suspect that the uniqueness of their functions might be the result of other causes, entirely. Further research will be in order.
ahhh..i have been waiting a year for that post
ReplyDelete