And I'm Billy. We're broth-
We've got this deal, see, where we get to do one of Davonian's blog posts every once in a while.
Yeah, like every week. It's...
Quiet, you. I'm older, so I get to do the talking. Plus, I'm the one that did the research for this week's topic.
Um, Bill, about your research...
Thank me later, Billy. Anyway, folks, have you seen these bumper stickers around? Ones like this:
Yeah, Bill, I'm telling you, you're research is...
Have you wondered what their talking about? I'm supposed to believe in tolerance. I think that's what it says, at least. But I surely can't tolerate everything, can I Billy?
I usually can't tolerate you...
That's the spirit. It's mutual. And here's the thing, there must be some other hidden message. I figure--they're telling us which things we're specifically supposed to tolerate. It's not just some funny font, but each letter means something!
Did you just speak in my voice?
No, that was emphasis, you nitwit. Anyway, can I give my presentation now, uninterrupted?
Okay, be my guest...
Right. So I researched what each symbol means. In the spirit of tolerance, may it be known that we are not to impede the following practices or beliefs:
1) Capital Punishment Via Crucifixion. The "T" in tolerance is a cross, and my sources tell me that such an object--two planks of wood nailed or tied together to make this unique shape--was often used for hanging criminals. Whatever your views are on capital punishment, you have to admit that it's OK as long as the state mandates this method be used.
Bill, I...
Shhhh. I did the research after all, now, onto the next one:
2) Nuclear Disarmament. Ha. This one was easy. It was originally used by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament. It's a semaphoric representation of the initials "N" and "D." No matter our views on WMDs, we are urged to be tolerant of those who wish them dismantled.
[Sigh]
No objection? Moving on, then:
3) Ritual Scalping. This crude weapon is best used for removing an enemy's scalp. It often is necessary for its user to go into a berserker rage in order to achieve the raw, animal power to perform such an inhuman act. But, as it is, the powers that be are asking us to permit this practice.
Oh, that's it. Listen, you've got it all wrong, big brother!
Oh, really? Listen, I was about to move on to the "E", which clearly shows a male sign positioned over a female sign, demonstrating our need to tolerate the traditional cowboy po-
No, no, no!
You are not going to sit there and tell me that we are also to be intolerant of dreadlocked flautists? The prominent urban gang known as the Crips? Archways with round windows? The waning crescent phase of the moon's natural cycle, for God's sake? I mean, how are we suppose to stop that one? And what about Mr. Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Isn't that what this whole bloody things, about, relativity? Hmmm?
Just because you were born eight minutes before I was does not mean you're smarter. Listen--I don't think you showed what those symbols are supposed to represent in each case, and I don't think you've taken the message of the whole thing quite right. Furthermore, you're going to get us fired. Our boss is a proud liberal and he probably has one of the those Tolerance bumper stickers himself!
I checked with him; he doesn't. He said the message behind it was so obvious and common-sensical that he hoped society didn't need to be told. But I told him we'd show him just how scholarly-like the whole thing can be.
Oh goodness. This will never do. [Clocks Bill with the blunt end of the "L" in "Tolerance." Bill's down for the count]. Alright, until next time, folks (if there is one)...
Okay. You guys aren't fired, but you have to run the final post by me next time. I hope your pay is enough to cover Bill's hospital fee.
ReplyDeletePeace, bros.